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In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. – Robert Frost

Blogfather II: Gettin’ Medieval On Yo A$$

(Continued from Part Three)

Sunday, May 31 – First Verse

Epitome of Cool

When I wake up, it doesn’t even cross my mind that Simon will end up in a choke hold. And, believe it or not, it isn’t because of the picture he took of me. If you can’t whistle while you’re wearing Super Trooper sunglasses over your regular glasses, then when can you?

Breakfast is a casserole Shannon made from a recipe. With nothing on our agenda until late afternoon, we hang out at the house for the morning, and then snack on homemade salsa and sandwiches in anticipation of the large meal to come.

Shannon and Amy go shopping while the rest of us see Drag Me To Hell, the latest Sam Raimi film. It isn’t as much fun as the Evil Dead film series, and the well-done creepy scenes were almost completely ineffectual against talking moviegoers seemingly set on ruining the mood. No wonder people are choosing more and more to wait until they can rent a film.

It’s this kind of hanging out, just as we would with local friends we can see any time (but don’t nearly often enough) that stitches the weekend into a rich tapestry of… oh, boy, somebody stop me now, please.

Then comes the uncommon event we all have been anticipating — something I had consulted the guys about before they had booked their flights. We load up in Homer and head to Dallas.

I have been to a Renaissance Fair (one of the best in the country — Kansas City area). There were jousting, wenches, and royalty.

Medieval Times takes one part of that fun and cranks it up a notch, with grand horsemanship, battles (choreographed though they may be) and lots of eating without utensils.

Medieval CeilingWe make great time to Dallas to the “castle,” which on the inside certainly sounds like a trip to the middle ages. As we and other attendees mill about looking at the various vendor booths — authentic wooden or metal sword, anyone? — hornblowers announce the appearance of the king on a small balcony to our left. He welcomes us and… then I lose track of what he’s saying because it’s very hard to understand, what with all the aforementioned milling.

Soon we are herded through the arena doors and make our way to our seats — amazing seats. In football terms, they’re on the 50-yard line, second row.

Wench's Welcome     Primitive Dishes
(dish photo by Amy)

Each section of the crowd is assigned a knight as its champion. Our serving wench tells us that while our guy is the Red and Yellow Knight, we can cheer for anybody except the Green Knight, whom we should boo.

Happily AnachronisticMoksha and Moonshot ask about the vegetarian selections, which are not on the menus in front of us.

“Oh, vegetarians eat their meals in the torture chamber,” our serving wench says and motions to our right.

The illusion cracks a bit when she asks whether we want tea or Pepsi, but knowing tonight is all-out, I let that slide and go straight for the cola. I know, crazy, right? Our wench brings us food fit for, well, folks who paid for tickets.

The entertainment is the highlight, of course. In the story, the Prince has been kidnapped and the hooded stranger responsible wants power within the kingdom as his ransom. The King does not like this, and dispatches his bravest knights to battle the mysterious man and his henchmen.

Our Hero     Green Knight Exposed

The Red and Yellow Knight, despite displaying formidable skills in the joust, loses his ensuing hand-to-hand combat. Unlike many of the players, our guy manages to finish his battle without laughing at his own fake death throes. Nevertheless, we’re left only with jeering at the Green Knight.

Our Knight     Losing

After the show the ladies pose with our knight and Simon dares the Green Knight to fight him.

We leave Medieval Times with wide smiles and just a couple miles to our next stop. Next time, dear readers, next time.

(to be continued)

8 Responses to Blogfather II: Gettin’ Medieval On Yo A$$

  1. Personally, I think everyday should end with Simon in a choke hold.

    I really got a kick out of how quick the Green Knight was to slap the head lock on Si. “Ooook, put another tourist in a headlock…all in a days work.”

    The vegetarian menu was surprisingly good for a place whose dietary mainstay is half-a-chicken and ribs. I mean…it would have been better (and manlier) with some brie…maybe some quiche, but I couldn’t complain.

    I wasn’t nearly as annoyed by the talking in the theater as you were. I tend to like the shared gorss-out and startle moments of a theater horror film. I think it adds to the emotion of the moment to have the sounds of a room full of people sharing the same emotion. But yeah…the downside is watching the guy in front of you text his buddies.

  2. Moksha – I agree that it’s tons o’fun to share the emotion of the theater-going experience. Some were laughing when I thought we were supposed to be getting increasingly terrified. Sure, there were funny moments that warranted a laugh, but if someone doesn’t buy into the creepiness of a certain scene, they shouldn’t laugh aloud and mess it up for those trying to get into it.

  3. The time we had at ‘Times was certainly one of the highlights of the entire weekend. Probably for all of us. I can’t remember the last time I at that much fowl at a single sitting. By the end of the meal I was masticating on willpower alone, I’m pretty sure. But then again, I’m a pretty powerful masticator (if I do say so myself) and polished off the bird to the bone. (I totally could have taken that Green Knight if I’d had another chance at ‘im.)

    Between “Drag Me to Hell”, “Shaun of the Dead”, and having watched… whatever zombie flick it was we watched at Moksha’s house last year, I find myself developing a real liking for semi-quality horror/undead cinematic experiences. Prior to that, I’d really only been exposed to “Army of Darkness”, which is a reall highlight of the genre, I understand. I’m pretty sure now I’ll be getting more into it. (Just not with Amy. She terror-fies far too easily.)

    Now that I think back on your Super Trooper shades, Mark, I definitely missed at least one good opportunity for a well-placed (albeit inappropriate) “moustache-ride” sort of comment.

  4. Mark – It’s a fine line..especially with Raimi. There were “scary” scenes in that movie that made you laugh. I heard an interview with him recently and he talked about the proximity of terror and laughter and how he aims for that. Laughing because something looks fake can certainly take you out of the moment, but laughing and squirming as formaldahyde from a corpse pours all over our happless victim’s face…I think that’s totally appropriate.

    Si – Last year we watched the recent remake of Dawn of the Dead. It occurs to me that 2 of the 4 films on your horror listing are Sam Raimi. So, at this point you could either a) branch out and see what else the genre has to offer or b) become a Raimi purist, devouring everything he’s done in the horror realm and agruing vehomently with others that Raimi is the best, bolstering your agrument with your incredible knowledge of Raimi trivia. Both approaches have their appeal ;)

    Had we known Mark was going to wear those shades, I would have brought a costume moustache to complete the look. Then I’m sure you wouldn’t have missed your comment oppertunity. Next year…

  5. I think the pic in the shades might warrant a t-shirt printing, eh?

  6. P.S. Our knight was H-A-W-T, whether he won or not!

  7. I’d been to one of those dinner/theaters in Vegas and in Florida…. neither of them really thrilled me, maybe it’s just me.

    Sounds like everyone had a great time though!

    A friend wants me to go see that movie… while I’m not much of a slasher movie person, I’ll go because he really wants to go.

  8. Dave – It has some gross-out scenes that are meant to be over the top, but it’s more of a supernatural horror film than a slasher. There are some good campy moments in there.


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