What Would Make You Tell? (Project Blue 03)
Posted in Culture & Society, True Story on Jun 6th, 2008
This blog post serves to pose a question to you. An encounter on Wednesday prompted it.
While waiting for my paint to shake, I asked the woman behind the paint counter my standard question in that situation. “So, how long have you worked for (insert store name)?”
From that simple query and a subsequent series of nods and short verbal cues like, “Oh, really,” and “That’s great,” I learned that she:
- has worked at (store name) for “three long years,” with the “long” stretched for emphasis;
- is a teacher, but also is in the Naval Reserves;
- took the job at (store name) after moving and let her teacher certification lapse;
- renewed her teacher certification over the past year and has a teaching job lined up beginning fall 2008; and
- is in her last days at (store name).
Obviously, I have little wiggle room when it comes to judging people for over-sharing. Just having a personal blog disqualifies me from being an outsider looking in. It still amazes me, however, that one simple question requiring a two-word answer prompted such a complete picture of her recent past, present, and near future. In her defense, there’s a chance she remembered me from two days before, when I was there with my wife and our son.
Regardless of her reasons for volunteering personal information, it occurs to me that when waiting I prefer talking to people like that. Their stories entertain me. Perhaps it’s also the former journalist inside me shifting into high interview gear. Remember the chef turned bus driver? Perfect example.
My friend Barrett told me back in college that I have a disarming personality. Had someone else asked her that question, would she have shared as much information? Obviously, I didn’t look to her like I have a blog in which I’m inclined to share these experiences. Or would that have made a difference?
If a complete stranger asks you a question, what observable qualities would have you dropping your defenses? What would raise them?
Please, be as deep or superficial as you want. We’re looking for truth here, not character awards.
It would depend on the person. Are they really asking me to know, or just to kill time.
I guess it’d be case by case how I replied.
Have a great weekend…
I’m pretty chatty, so if there wasn’t anything particularly inappropriate about the question and it was a matter of chatting while we waited in a public place, I would probably talk with anyone (unless they were carrying a chain saw in one hand and an ax in the other.)
I look at it this way; I control what I tell. No one can make me tell anything that I don’t want to, but human beings were made for conversation, so why not? Some people are lonely and talking to them for a few minutes could brighten their day. Most people are interesting if you give them a chance.
This assumes, of course, that one is in a well lit, public place with other people around as well.
(See, told you I was chatty!)
I am extremely chatty as well.
Mainly, I grew up with the notion from my father that the people you encounter in most jobs of service would like to have a friendly smile or a genuine conversation…so that is why I not only answer questions but usually I am the one who starts the conversations off! It makes my day to have these little encounters and sometimes they start off poorly until they realize I am genuinely interested in them and then I end up with a new friend!
Kinda cool….
Also, thanks for the header reminder! I totally forgot!
Being rather more introverted than most (in public), it takes some doing to get me to divulge anything noteworthy to a stranger. I like conversation as a means of interpersonal exploration, but by the same token, can’t hardly stand idle chit-chat just to pass the time. So the Catch-22 there is that I don’t really want to talk to you in depth unless there’s something relatively poignant to say, but how do you reach that point with someone you don’t know unless you’re willing to open up a bit?
You see my problem.
What I need (upon a little reflection) is, more than anything else, a genuine sense of interest in what I have to say. Too many people offer half an ear to what’s being said, and spend most of their time waiting for an opportunity to interject with what they have to say. That’s not really listening. Show me that you want to hear me, and aren’t just waiting to open your own mouth, and I’m much more willing to talk.
Ditto to what Simon said. I’ve been known to get chatty from time to time…but usually is is during, say, the final day of a cross-country trip after I’ve resorted even to tuning in radio evangelists so as to have a human voice in the truck with me. …As an example.
As a follow up on Simon’s comment though, I’d say that most people are willing to devulge details if they think the other person really cares. Obviously you seem genuinely interest in what folks have to say. Perhaps that’s all it takes
Dave and Everybody - The consensus seems to be that you don’t mind talking about yourself if the person asking seems genuinely interested. If the questioner is actively listening and not just waiting impatiently for the next chance to talk, then it’s not so bad.
I’m down with that.
My “series of nods and short verbal cues” were from real interest, not to harvest blog fodder. I never strike up a conversation in that kind of setting just to get material. The conversation made me wonder about these fleeting interactions, and I figured this was the best place to get varying opinions.
Kim - Yes, well-lit is an important prerequisite for any place when talking to strangers. But, from what I understand, the stalkers rarely whip out the chainsaw and/or ax on the first visit.
Anna - I like your father’s idea. I guess the trick is recognizing when they want to chat and when they don’t. But, I’ll keep risking it and hope I guess right.
Simon - I know what you mean. What do we do, just start off with, “So, what books do you like?” Nah. So we start with “whoo, boy, it’s sure been cold (or hot) lately,” or “whoo, boy, my wife’s PMS has been kicking my butt lately.” Or something like that.
Moksha - I’ve listened to radio evangelists while driving a moving van, too. When I don’t do that, I make up voices for characters in funny skits. I don’t recommend that, however, because it can lead to a desire to later record these voices and post the results on the Internet.
I don’t think anyone mentioned the pic - it’s a cool one!
And just for the record, I NEVER have PMS that kicks your butt (fingers crossed behind back).
Nifty photo. I tend to be very shy but very open so I might tell you my life story if I sensed you’d listen. Plus (pop psychology warning) many of us see ourselves defined by our jobs and this woman clearly didn’t want to be defined by working where she was at the moment…. It’s almost as though she had to defend/explain herself so that the two word answer didn’t leave her identified as something she doesn’t want to be. Dont’ know if that made any sense, but… that’s my answer and I’m sticking with it. I really like your photo.
I tend to rely on a sense I seem to have about people when it comes to engaging in a conversation. Sometimes people just look interesting and I find myself wanting to satisfy my curiosity and I’ll gladly talk to them. There’s a trick too, to maneuvering around those you come across every now and then who just kind of open up like they’ve been dying to talk to someone for ages. I also have this curse that makes it necessary for me to try and cheer someone up who appears to be having a rough time. But ya gotta do that with sincerity and not seem gushy or intrusive. But I’m not answering your question… Um, I guess it would be sincerity and body language that might engage me. Circumstances
would contribute also. Creepiness, excessive inebriation and halitosis would definitely put a wall up for me.