Swept and Flushed Away (bye-bye Project Green)
Posted in Health, Technology, True Story on Apr 28th, 2008
While I appreciate auto-flush toilets on a sanitary level (although generally I spare myself that problem by flushing with my foot), I hate the stupid things. I get my protective paper layer all nicely laid out, then I straighten up to turn around and sit, and the infernal thing flushes and splashes water all over my beautifully stacked lengths of one-ply. Not to mention nearly deafening me. Then I have to start over, trying to find that perfect posture that won’t trip the auto-flush, and usually end up failing. Should have just hovered, I think. Crap.
Worse than that is the kind I experienced before my last flight out of DFW. I get the paper down and sit, thinking I’m home free. Then, as if on a timer and assuming that surely no human could still be “on board,” the toilet flushes, splashing my parts that, as a rule, get wet only when I’m showering or swimming. I become convinced there is a demented fly buzzing near the sensor’s “eye” to torment me.
I have learned to listen carefully for that telltale sound that the toilet is about to go HAL on me. I raise up, wait out the flush, and then hover while wiping off the seat again. (I must avail myself of this rare opportunity to link a related incident that featured LOTS more water.)
So, what modern device aggravates you?
Just be glad you didn’t start tapping your foot while sitting there. You’d have attracted more than some wayward water.
I agree about the self-flushing toilets.
Did that mop come that color or did it turn green from use? LOL!!!
Oh, you are so right!!!
I love the pic for the bye-bye green :)
Mar
GPS Systems that take you on dirt roads to your destination when you’re driving your Corvette (and two friends are following you in their very nice cars) *LOL*
Happened to me….
Muzak. I still hate it. If I hear one more instrumental version of “WildFire”, I’ll go postal! *LOL*
That pic depresses.
It is reminding me of all the housework I am needing to finsh…who am I kidding? I haven’t even started!
:)
Love the PG & PY combo shot. Good thinking!
Depresses *me*….
That’s because you are not a woman, and I don’t sit and the slightest movement makes the thing go off. I hate that… Nice shot for PG!
LOL You’re funny….. and it’s so true! Nice green!
Lol… love the photo! Can’t think of anything that would aggravate me more than what you just described ;-)
The ubiquity in the modern lexicon of Three Letter Acronyms (TLAs) has created the grammatical nightmare of the unsavoury habit where people say both the acronym and the third word represented therein. Drives me batshit-crazy. An example: “I was going to take some money out of the ATM machine but I forgot my PIN number.” It’s like people have all started working at least part time for the Department of Redundancy Department.
I was reminded of this by Dave’s beef up there in comment #4. Not to pick on Dave specifically, you understand (he’s a swell guy and all), but seeing GPS system spelled out like that makes me grind my teeth. I would suggest, kindly, that perhaps “GPS device” could be used as an acceptable alternate where the duplication of “system” is eliminated.
I realise the problem is mine, and no blame need *really* be laid at anyone else’s feet, but I have a hard time keeping mum on the subject.
This doesn’t address the question, Mark, as accurately as perhaps it should have, but most of my TLA beefs centre on relatively modern devices, so I took a liberty in my answer.
As for the picture, it’s a good finale, also because it ties in to the previous Project Yellow. Good show!
You shoudl call this shot “Dreadlocks and Mullet.” Or maybe that’s just what it makes me think of.
I can’t say I take such precautions with public toilets. I give the seat a quick wipe and then sit, confident that I’m not going to soak up anything too deadly through my butt cheeks. But the foot flush is a staple of my trip. Protect the hands…the other end can fend for itself.
Si - There is a bank here in Missouri, United Missouri Bank. All their print literature refers to them as UMB Bank. In fact, our big ampitheater here in St Louis is the UMB Bank Pavilion. Aaarrg!
Moksha, I’m actually a little surprised that you took my side on this issue. My linguistic narcoses are usually fodder for your regular exercise of schadenfreude, so now I’m sitting here not knowing how to react to your support.
I think you’ve gotten to the point where, either way, the Gren wins. Good show.
Simon, I have to agree with your stand. However, I’ve given up trying to make sense of other’s grammar in my old age. I finally figured out nobody wants me to tell them when they’re wrong. But using the wrong word, redundancies, and just piss-poor grammar all make my teeth hurt.
My complaint about modern appliances is not so much with the self-flush toilet as with the automatic paper towel dispenser. My hands dry themselves while waving at the machine trying to prompt the dispensing of a towel. Aarrrrggghh!!
Eve,
I feel your pain regarding the automatic paper towel dispensers. Silly, ineffectual things. If I find myself waving my hand in front of the sensor to no effect, I end up muttering to myself, “The Force is strong with this one…”
It makes me feel better, anyway.
Robert - Yikes! Sometimes I get into a song in my head, and toes can start tapping.
Karen - It was the first green mop I had seen, as far as I know. I’m sure it’s been there for years, but it took a project to make me notice it.
Dave - I never have driven by GPS guidance alone, but I know that even after nearly three years of our house’s existence, Mapquest still doesn’t know that our road goes through on the west end.
Muzak is brutal, and I totally recalled that version of “Wildfire.”
Anna - I thought you were trying to be cool by dropping the last word of that thought. I was wrong. That totally bums.
Simon - Of course, I agree with every point you made, and it’s one reason we get along so well and will meet with Moksha in less than two weeks. Rock!
Moksha - I dig your vibe, man. Rock!
Your example and Simon’s remind me of another problem with TLA’s: leaving out a word. If you have headaches and someone asks if you have TMJ, what would you say? I hope yes; otherwise you have no temporomandibular joint, and that makes for tough eating, even if you are a vegetarian.
Eve - My wife lambastes me every time I correct her grammar. It’s for our son’s sake, I say, when really it’s just the pedant in me.
“Hey, Mark, I hear your wife doesn’t feel good because she has TMJ. Go to the ATM machine and buy her something at Wal-Marts.”
Eve and Simon - Curse the paper towel dispenser demons!