Dec 03 2007
It’s Benglish, Bammit!
Note: I placed a new page banner for December, 2007. Refresh your browser if you still see a sideways boy up there.
I watched four-year-old Benjamin work his tiny scissors through a piece of construction paper.
“That’s a pretty good cut, son,” I said.
“Thank you. It’s my pleasure, Daddy.”
Such manners. That’s my boy. And thus begins another post about Benglish, which, along with Latin, one day will be a dead language. For now, though, we enjoy it and jot down its more memorable moments when we get the chance.
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In another fun moment in the ongoing struggle of boy vs. dog, our Cocker Spaniel stepped a little too close to Ben while he worked preschooler artistic magic on construction paper. “Cassie, you’re disturbing my project,” he said.
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On the way back from Thanksgiving, we stopped at a fast-food chain that is unjustifiably underrepresented in the Dallas metro area. In fact, there’s only one within 20 miles of our house, and that might be the area’s sole location.
“We’re stopping at Backyard Burger,” Shannon and I announced.
He whined in reply, “I don’t want to go to Backyardigan Burger.”
A few days earlier, headed the opposite direction on the same trip, we stopped at Whataburger, a chain with locations all over north Texas. “We’re having water burgers?” Ben asked.
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Everyone who meets our dog comes to know her full name. This is thanks to Ben, who always informs that she is, “Cassie Wassie Bo-Bassie.”
I think Shannon called the dog that once in a fit of dolphin-frequency talk. Of course, like anything else uttered in a four-year-old’s presence, it instantly became part of the household lexicon (which is a nickname for our late dog, Lexie, but that’s another story).
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Not everything that sticks is good. A couple weeks ago Benjamin got frustrated and said, “Dammit!” It was very well-placed, and unintentionally hilarious. That last bit made it hard for me to keep a straight face as I told him he was not to use that word.
A few minutes later, similarly confounded, he said, “Bammit!”
I calmly explained that even that slightly altered version would not do.
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In today’s politically correct world, I’m hesitant to share this last one. Although I wish I had witnessed it myself, perhaps it’s best I heard it secondhand.
Angry with Shannon because she wouldn’t let him do something, Ben said, “You’re a honky!”
He later told me he heard it from someone at school. “What do the teachers do when he says that?” I asked.
“They put him in time out.”
“Well, that’s good. You shouldn’t call anybody that name, and that’s exactly what will happen to you if we hear you say it again.”
Mark, I read your blog from time to time and enjoy it. Children say the most wonderful things! My favorite from Caroline, now 3, took place this summer after an afternoon at the swimming pool. My mom and I were winding down with her in preparation for bed time. While mom and I talked while lying on the floor, Caroline took an interest in the tricep area of my mom’s arm, which is heavily freckled and characterized by wrinkles and loose skin (she is in her 60s). After several minutes of silence while gently prodding and studying mom’s arm, Caroline looked up and said with all seriousness, “Maybe it was the swimming pool.”
Anne - Now that’s funny! It’s great to watch logic develop in their little minds.
Lady J swears up and down that I too say “Water Burger.”
That toddler (and now little boy) lingo really is adorable, and hard to let go. Our own older guy combines his “dexicon” with what we can only assume to be bad hearing. Last week I sneezed and said, “Pardon me!” He replied with a quizzical look on his face. “Fart on me??”
What’s really neat is how they show increasing interest in what you, as a parent, are saying. I can get into actual conversations with him now, most of which degenerate into him saying, “What’s that?” when I say something he doesn’t know. It can take a while to reduce it to something he understands.
PS — it looks like that meerkat (??) up there is trying to convince readers to subscribe to your RSS feeds.
*LOL* Love the new Benglish….
Gotta watch him like a hawk though.. he picks up EVERYTHING!
Josh - And now, any time I hear you say it, I’ll probably think so, too. By the way, when Ben and I were walking around the neighborhood yesterday enjoying the wonderful but windy weather, a guy cleaning his garage tried to give me a plastic green table and a door (the kind you would use on a bedroom). I thought later that I should have taken them and passed them on to you, the master of free stuff.
Simon - Ha! You’ll just have to use, “Exuse me,” from now on. Wouldn’t want the boy to take you up on the invitation. I know what you mean about conversations with them. I’m constantly thinking before relating something to Ben. Lately he has been asking about words we previously thought he understood. He stopped me on the sidewalk one day while riding his bike and said, “Daddy, what does ‘usually’ mean?” I answered, “It means what happens most of the time.”
That is, indeed, a meerkat. He’s looking at the words “feed on.”
Dave - Yes, he picks it ALL up, especially when we think he isn’t listening.
Norah would totally eat Backyardigan Burgers…well….maybe Boca Backyardigan Burgers…but you know what I mean.
I’m very much looking forward to this sort of fun. Norah is currently content to sign most of her desires to us, but her cognition is getting there. I figure right around her third birthday or so she’ll just start speaking in full sentences.
Of all the insult words I would have expected to make an appearence from a 4-year-old…honky was pretty low on my guessing list. How truly odd.
And if Norah ever says “Bammit”…I’ll punish her even more severely than for saying “dammit.” Swearing is one thing…but making Daddy think about that annoying Emeril guy is NOT exceptible behavior!
Actually, he said he got Dammit from a kid at school - we still have no idea where he got Honkey. I think it was from my good friend, “Brownie.” ;-)
MG - You know, I’ve never seen Emeril, but I’ve heard he’s annoying.
Shan - Oops. You’re right. I’ll bet “Brownie” is exactly where he heard it.
She denies ever calling us honkies (or anything else inappropriate) in front of the kids. Good thing she doesn’t read your blog, or she would have to take up for herself!!!
Good entry. I love “Benglish.”
I have to remember to write down some of the ones Charles comes up with. It happens all of the time, but I forget to make a note and then forget them.
You have got to go on Youtube and type in “Kids Wassup.” Someone did a take-off on the old BudLight Wassupm commercial with children. It’s hilarious. Charles laughed and laughed…”play it again, play it again…”
Oh…and he asks to see a video of Ben daily. Is there any way you can link the video’s from the past?
Charles - You mean this video? Pretty funny. I’ve already imagined a few possibilities for giving Ben scripted lines. I don’t know whether he’ll get the idea of acting, but probably.