Oct 07 2007
Becoming Better
Without even trying, our four-year-old son has made me more honest, less lazy, and happier. All this while occasionally getting so far under my skin that I want to yell (and, since I’m so honest now, I admit I have failed to suppress that urge more than a few times). In the same day (sometimes the same hour) he can do something so amazing that I can’t find words to express it and something so frustrating that I have to bite my tongue to keep from uttering the perfect descriptive words.
Just a few hours before I sat down to write this, I got another confirmation that I’m not alone.
At dinner with Lady J and Sir J Sunday evening, Benjamin and I played in their backyard with Sir J and his two-year-old boy. The little guy said, “No,” to Sir J more than once. His daddy said, “Yeah, it was like after his birthday, somebody just flipped a switch. I’ve heard of terrible two’s, but I had no idea it would be so quick.” Those might not be the exact words, but ever since I stopped getting paid for it, I stopped carrying around my reporter recorder. Because neither of our wives was out there, any chance of repeating the conversation verbatim is lost.
So, the J’s are about to face what parents of pre-schoolers everywhere have experienced — the budding personality and the increasing ability to manifest it through words. We’ll make it through just fine, as our parents did (albeit not in the same manner, lest we get arrested!), and more of those cherished moments of adult conversation will go a long way toward achieving that end.
Sometimes, of course, children inadvertently say things that make us forget they came here from the seventh level of Hell. It’s like their own built-in defense mechanism. Admittedly, producers have shaped at least a few TV shows around this, but here I am to regale you with a few from my own boy’s mouth.
- One day while watching me make his sandwich, Benjamin said, “I’m gonna make a sandwich for everybody… on the Earth, of course.” I thought that was a bit planetist, but he’s only four.
- When I stopped to write the above quote on our refrigerator notepad, he said, “Why are you writing?”
- Once, more than a year ago in our backyard, Benjamin and I were shooting hoops with his toy basketball goal. I walked across the yard and said, “I’m going to shoot this one from way downtown.” Because I’m so good with the lingo. Now, any time he wants to throw me something, he takes several steps back and says, “From way downtown.”
- As he walked back into the house from looking at a hot-air balloon about a mile away, the binoculars swung freely from his neck. “The binoculars are dancing,” he said.
- Seemingly from nowhere, he asked me one day. “Is Grand Canyon Nashul Park on this Earth?” A bit confused, but by this time in his life and mine not very surprised, I said, “Yes, Ben, it is.” I found out later that at his grandparents’ house he had watched a DVD that they had brought back from a recent trip out west.
Lately it seems moments like the above far outweigh the fleeting challenges. Although still quite stubborn (not always a bad thing), Benjamin is outgrowing some of the outlandish behaviors and responses that once guaranteed a daily revocation of privileges. When Shannon is ill for a day and I check in from work, she’s more likely to say, “He’s been so sweet,” than, “Oh, please, please, God, get home as fast as you can.”
Now, ask me how things are going when the boy’s 14, and who knows what we’ll find? I was a very good kid who never rebelled or said he hated his parents, and my brother was pretty good, too. I’m hoping that whatever our folks did right, whether thanks to their methods or our family’s genes, we’ll enjoy that same fortune.
Whatever the case, I know that my already respectable character has improved in the few years we’ve had so far, and evidence up to now shows the same goes for Benjamin.
I hate to telll you this, but you are just getting started. By the way tell Shannon that Mischelle’s Mom says Hi. I enjoy hearing about your life. I’m glad life has turned out good for you.
Sherry - Oh, don’t worry, Shannon reads this and your name will catch her eye.
On your comment, though, I think I addressed that I know we aren’t out of the woods yet. Several of my friends never caused their parents many problems even in their teen years, so I prefer to stay positive right now instead of dreading what might come later.
That said, no parent should ever have to endure what you did (through no fault of yours or your daughter’s).
My Dad used what I now think was a rather clever tactic against me in preparation of my teen years. He constantly told me how I was going to rebel. How I’d think I would know everything. From a very early age I understood this. So I rebelled…by not rebelling. Showed him.
And perhaps Ben doesn’t like astronauts. Or maybe feels that what with all the perks of zero g…adding a sandwich onto the list would just be over the top. A sandwich might just be the thing to level the playing feild for we gravity-locked schlubbs here on the Earth. Thanks, Ben. Extra mayo on mine, please.
You hit the nail on the head in the next to last paragraph my friend. The next few years are really special as they grow and amaze more than the upset the apple cart.
Our daughter who will be 13 this November has just started to slide the other way. She knows it all. Having a brother who is six years older has never helped the situation so you may not see it happen as quick as we have this year.
And remember, it took Ben only a few minutes to deduce that Clark Kent and Superman were the same person. :)
Moksha - Hey, man, whatever works (and is legal).
I think Ben just doesn’t want to assume that people on other worlds would enjoy a sandwich. You’re getting Miracle Whip, by the way.
Lenny - I had to throw that in there to avoid the barrage of “you ain’t seen nothing yet” comments. I’m writing about my journey through parenthood, marriage, and life in general. I don’t claim to be better or worse at it than anybody else, and just last night I wondered when I’ll first say, “My son would never do that,” when, unbeknownst to me, someone just caught him red-handed.
That fact that your daughter is emulating her older brother could get quite challenging, especially if she starts checking her bulge in the mirror.
Alvis - I know! Frikkin’ genius! Now, if only an entire staff of newspaper reporters — supposedly well-versed in the art of uncovering secrets — would get a clue!
It is amazing how having a child impacts how you view the long term differently. Parenting is probably the most difficult, but hopefully one of the most rewarding things we do in life.
We had an incident today. LC almost knocked his teeth out, and they may still come out. This happened at about 11 am while Amanda and I were discussing my trip out of town. I heard a scream and ran over to see him under the window sheer. I thought, “oh, it just scared him”…and then I saw blood. Lots of blood…all over him, the sheer, and his clothes.
He had stood on the window sill, on the sheer, and naturally he slipped and fell.
He split his lip on the inside, and left a perfect semi-circle of teeth imprint on the window sill. It’s like an impression in the wood…no joke. If I had a blog site, I would take a picture of it and post it.
So…we’ll see what happens. He may be toothless in a few days. I’m hoping the combination of hitting all four top front teeth, and soft wood, have prevented the roots from getting damaged too badly.
There we were wondering…”Could we have prevented that?” I think the answer is probably no, but it still makes us feel helpless and upset over it.
Charles - I think he was just trying to prove early in life he’s a true Arkansan.
Sorry. Was that too soon?
Seriously, that’s awful, man. I know the little guy probably tried to be tough about it, and of course you tried to keep him from seeing the panic in your eyes.
I’m glad he’s (relatively) OK after that slip. Can he eat OK?
Charles - That makes me cringe just thinking about it. Thank god for baby teeth, eh? I’ll keep my fingers crosed for thos little roots.
My own little Norah loves climbing for the window sills. You’ve given me new reason to be fearful.
Oh, Chuck, I am so sorry to hear about our little Putter and his injury! You’ll have to keep us posted for sure - sounds like a doozy.
I just have to say that our son has definitely turned a corner, around his 4th birthday I would say. The majority of the time he is very well behaved (I wondered if I would ever get to say that!) and keeps us in stitches with the funny things he says. He is also the most affectionate, loving child I know, with a lot of empathy for everyone around him. I know we have more struggles ahead of us, but we’re just going to enjoy each phase and then we’ll deal with the future as it comes.
Sherry, it is wonderful to hear from you!!! I am so excited to have your e-mail address so maybe we can keep in touch better. I think about you all of the time! I got a very nice note from your mom a while back, and I am ashamed to say I never answered it. I carry it around with me in my “to do” notebook, but it hasn’t gotten done yet. Please send her my love and let her know I am truly sorry for not responding sooner. Life gets in the way so often and makes it hard to send a “real” heartfelt letter when you want to do so.
You are such a dad. It’s great that you’re not so blinded by the every day that you can still actually spot the magic when it happens.
Good luck when he gets older… my son was a saint when he was younger, and a terror now.. *chuckling*
Those are all little gems to hold onto, Mark. For the next few years I think your boy’s going to be at the peak of inadvertent amusement potential. Live it while you can. (And when was the last time I was stuck way down here on the 13th comment? Hello? Can anybody hear me?)
Our biggest struggle right now is watching our boys interact, and sometimes failing. The wee one doesn’t understand the concept of sharing anything and innocently grabs whatever interests him. The older one has a poorly formed definition of possession, but has a *very* firm grasp of the concept of “mine!” Putting the two together is sometimes like trying to put out a fire by throwing whiskey on it. Mostly a waste of whiskey.
I can also empathise with Charles’ boy’s tooth thing. Both our guys love to climb on the front windowsill and flop back onto the big-comfy-chair. Both guys have injured their mouths to the point of bleeding gums, but not with the risk of losing a few teeth. Yowzah…
Update on the teeth. So far so good. Today he is back to his usual self, just eating soft foods. We won’t know about the roots of his teeth for a few days, but so far so good. Maybe he’ll get lucky and keep his chicklets.
I appreciate the well-wishes. It was hilarious to hear him tell the story to his grandmother.
“I was climbing on the window, when suddently, I slipped. I cracked my face on the window and blood actually squirted out of my body.” LOL
And that is an exact quote, because I wrote it down when he said it…while I was still laughing.