Apr 10 2007
It Was the Worth the PTO (Part 2)
Survivor
On Thursday, from my Aunt J’s place, Ben and I went to visit my grandfather at a retirement community/nursing care facility. The seeing Granddad I give a 10 out of 10. Taking the boy along without someone to help manage him? I give that about a 3.
Ben wasn’t particularly problematic, but every time I leaned over to take something from him or tell him to be quiet, Granddad stopped talking and then had trouble getting back his train of thought. I guess he thought I couldn’t listen and manage Ben at the same time, a skill parents must learn quickly to remain sane.
It also didn’t help that Ben’s voice is far above Granddad’s audible range (he’s profoundly deaf but reads lips and can make out some tones if the speaker yells in a middle range voice). Granddad talked right along without any idea Ben was saying something to me or to him, so each of my quick glances at Ben probably was very distracting. Exasperated by this process, Granddad suggested we turn on the TV. It held Ben’s attention for about 30 minutes; I should have known to let him bring more than just one toy for a two-hour wait.
(click pics to enlarge)
Lunch went okay. Ben touched his grilled cheese sandwich only long enough to show me the smiley face on the top slice of bread, but wolfed down the applesauce and fresh strawberries. He didn’t seem to notice when one of the coordinators announced our names over the loudspeaker as that day’s visitors. Giddy at being given metal flatware, he kept me busy hording objects away from his fervently tapping spoon.
Ben’s first smiley-faced sandwich.
I courteously choked down my chicken salad on a croissant. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. “This is the poorest lunch we’ve ever had,” Granddad said.
After we ate, Granddad walked us around the dining room to show us off to his friends. A lady told Ben she liked the color of his hair. “Daddy, what color is her hair?” he asked me.
“Well, Ben, we won’t talk about the color of her hair,” I said.
She chimed in, looking right at Ben. “Oh, my hair’s white.” Then, successively pointing to each person at the other tables, she said, “And her hair’s white, and his hair’s white, and her hair’s white.”
“Yep, we all have white hair,” said another woman as she stood up from an adjacent table. I got a good laugh, but Granddad didn’t because he couldn’t hear any of it.
When Granddad’s breathing became labored on the sloped sidewalk back to his apartment, I tapped his shoulder. He stopped and turned to look at my mouth while I loudly enunciated, “Do you need to catch your breath?”
He wrapped the long fingers of his left hand around the safety rail, large brown spots on the back of his hand standing out against his pale white skin. He leaned on it as hard as his lean frame could. “Yes. This is about where I usually rest on the way back. I just need to stand here for a minute.”
I yelled, “At 93, you’re entitled to a rest.” Just one year ago, he was on the golf course with my brother and me, finishing a strong second.
By that time, Ben was up the hill, beyond the apartment. “Daddy, come on!”
Before saying goodbye, my only living grandparent opened Ben’s coat pocket and dropped in two shiny quarters. “You put those in your piggy bank,” he said.
I left hoping that at age 93 I can boast that I lived in my own house until I was 92.
On the way out of town, I stopped to snap a few pics of one of Arkansas’ most famous and storied buildings.
I admit I shot this pic a few days later, with better light.
A different look at the building.
Built from 1899-1917, it has quite a history.
It stood in for the nation’s capitol building in the 1985 TV movie Under Siege, whose special effects crew managed to emblazon a sooty stain that lasted for years. A site called “Cupolas of Capitalism” features a great interior shot.
Next, we headed up to my parents’ house, and the fairy thing’s still coming, too.
Excellent story… I do remember you telling us last year about golfing with your grand-dad..
I lost my last grandpa in 1989. Neither of them reached their 70s. I still have both grandmas alive, but don’t hardly ever see them. It’s certainly worth the effort and frustrating inconveniences to make the time to spend with them. I know both my grandmothers have really, really appreciated the time I’ve taken to ensure they see their great-grandkids. That’s something not a lot of folks get to do, and it’s a rare treat.
I’ve been thinking about my only living grandparent frequently these days. At 88, she also is feeling her days. Although she still lives at home I’m afraid she won’t be with us much longer. It makes me sad even though I know it is a part of life.
Good pictures.
I wish we were able to make more time to share Norah around to the few remaining members of that generation in my family. But with many miles between us and all family…it’s tough work just making sure our folks get to see her enough. Fitting in the grandparents is even more difficult. We try though.
I know I was supposed to be looking at the smiley face on the toast…but I was far more mesmerized by Ben’s shirt.
Looking foreward to the fairy and the chanting to which Charles alluded.
I love the part where he was noticing that everyone’s hair was white - too funny! You forgot to tell me that part. I’m sorry it was so stressful, but I am still really glad you got to visit with him for a little while. Wish I could have been there to help you out with our little monster!
Dave - I think his golf habit is what allowed him to survive the few falls he’s had virtually unscathed, and kept him from having to use a walker (yet).
Simon - I lost my other grandfather when I was about 12. Even though I was at his house a lot, I didn’t know him very well, but have fond memories of him. My only grandparents who could have heard Ben’s voice were long gone before his birth. One of the drawbacks of having kids later in life, I suppose.
Alvis - Yeah, that whole ending part is where thoughts about life start getting me down. Somehow, I don’t mope.
Moksha - Miles are lame. They keep us from seeing the folks who care about us.
Funny that you mentioned his shirt, because I forgot that part. Aunt J gave Ben that shirt the night before, and he insisted on sleeping in it. Then, he just had to wear it the next day, too. It made him look like a policeboy.
Don’t worry, the fairy will be worth the wait.
Wife - You already know this by now, but it was one of the lady’s who uttered that line.
We missed you, but not just because it was hectic.
Really nice story, Mark. :-) Ben’s starting to look more like you.
Man I feel old. My last grandparent died in 1980. My son and daughter only have my mom left. The odd thing is both my father and my wife’s father died on my son’s birthday, eight years apart.
I’m getting all panicky so that’s all I got for ya.
Mark, you should send G-dad a fax and explain precisely the things that are concerning you regarding the visit. He would really appreciate the candor. I’m sure he was thrilled that you were there, and he probably just stopped talking because he was confusing him needing to see your lips with you needing to see his. I think that’s pretty commonplace.
His health has definitely seemed to diminish since his Nephrectomy (kidney removal). It usually takes up to 6 months for healthy adults to get over a major procedure like that, so at 93, he should still continue to improve.
His neck is what is bothering him. There’s probably not much that can done about that, which is sad. It would help if he would take pain medication, but he has it in his head that people shouldn’t rely on pain medication. Imagine that….he’s worried about an addiction to pain medicine and what pepple might think, at age 93. If I make it to 93, and my neck hurts, I’m going to medicate…mark it down. If I don’t, remind me that I’m entitled to at that age.
You should blog about G-dad’s “garden” incident. That would be a really good story for your readers. In fact, there are several other good stories you could put in. See if you can dig up some old pictures, and I’ll try to make sure that G-dad reads your entry.
Linda - Well, what a lucky boy he truly is. ;-)
Blitz - Nah, you’re not old. I just saw old, and you’re not it. I understand the panic, though.
Charles - Good idea. I have faxed him a few of my blog posts from the past, and he seems to enjoy them. I hope you’re right about our visit (that he still had a good time).
I had forgot about the kidney thing. Just amazing he’s getting around as well as he does.
I loved the garden incident. I’ll have to get input from others, though. I recorded some Granddad conversation last weekend, but we didn’t cover that one!