Feb 01 2007
Reunited and it Feels So Good
(Note: Readers of “Apartment Life Returns” may now click here to read Part Six.)
Friday I got a call from Alvis, letting me know that an old friend of ours, herein called “B,” was visiting family nearby. B is the one who knew Alvis and me before we knew each other, and for the first few years served as the connection that made us friends. He also knew Shannon and me before we dated, but he never had to serve as our connection. That would have been weird.
Shannon and I hadn’t seen B in what I’m calling five years, but the wife no doubt will be glad to correct me on that. Some things you just can’t search for on the Internet.
I won’t go into detail about B here, as I did enough of that in an old post, and he has his own blog if you want more. (apologies now for his Dec 9 post, Si)
We quickly fell back into our comfort zone and talked about everything — things we probably wouldn’t discuss with friends we’ve made since college. What is it about our willingness to open up in our University years that seemingly shuts down later in life, only to prevent us from forming bonds of nearly the same weld?
I think it’s adults’ general unwillingness to open up face-to-face, or perhaps our willingness to limit the diversity of our social groups. I could go on for hours on this topic, but I’ve resolved not to meander in my posts (let’s just say the Internet provides the diversity I can’t find on my street or at work).
As we left Alvis’ house to go out, I pointed at Ben and asked B, “So, can you believe this is my kid?”
“I tell ya, Mark, I feel like I’m stuck in a time warp,” B said.
B wondered at seeing us as parents, and we enjoyed watching him bond with our children. It became evident to me that B could quickly become the favorite “uncle” were he given the chance. Before he mentioned it, it was obvious that he had friends with kids and had spent lots of time around them. I’ve never considered myself a “natural” with kids, but B has that quality.
He’s like Grizzly Adams for kids.
Not to mention dogs. But, just like Lexie more than a decade prior, Cassie figured that out within a few seconds of his walking through our door.
B can be lots of things — an avid music lover, a huggable teddy bear, a wiseacre, an emotional train wreck, and a shaky tennis player due to a complete lack of an interior Christian. I mean, anterior cruciate (bad inside joke). Through it all, though, he’ll always be our friend.
Folks, you may have to hold the “Shift” key and click the “Reload” or “Refresh” button to see the new banner picture for this month. This makes your browser avoid using the cache. Sorry, but I don’t know how to do that on a Mac.
I know the feeling… about a guy like B.
I’m glad you hooked up with him while he was in the area bud!
Hopefully, it won’t be so long before you see him again.
Mark, in a move of delicious poetic justice, the link for the haventfound blog yields a ’site not found’ error message. While that made me smile, I’m still curious about that December 9th post you apologised for.
Not surprisingly, I share the same sentiments about friends made in university and subsequent stagnation in later years. I crave the sorts of interaction (more meaningful than superficial) that was the order of the day a decade ago. This new virtual medium is one means of recapturing that, but even this can only go so far.
Not related, but I feel pressed to mention that although it’s really not a great movie, I’ve always been fairly fond of Quigley Down Under. Perhaps it’s the presence of Alan Rickman, one of my perennial favourite actors.
It is truly wonderful to sit down with an old friend and realize you are still just as compatiable as you were when you became friends. It’s rare and wonderful though a bit sad to think how close you could be where miles no object.
Luckily, many of the friends I currently associate with are either college friends or friend I made through college friends. So, I’m fortunate to have real-space friends with whom I can still be as open as I was in college. New folks come in with the expectation that I act like a grown-up. The college friends know better…and I know better about them as well.
Dave - I know how hard it is to go visit family and work in a visit to friends without feeling guilty. B did it, and we’re glad.
Simon - Must have been a temporary problem. Good point, too, that friends made out here, while great, aren’t quite the same. See? I can’t pat you on the shoulder right now. Just not the same.
I have never seen Quigley Down Under, but that movie poster reminded me that it’s still on my list (which is rotting away inside my brain).
Moksha - As long as it doesn’t go all Osterman Weekend on me, getting together with college (and in some cases, high school) buddies is incomparable.
I think you nailed it. With old friends from our youth, we don’t have to act like adults, whatever the hell that means. Sure, I pay my bills and I’m a responsible professional at work, and a good dad and husband. I just don’t know why all those have to preclude being a kid at heart.
In Simon’s defense…I too got the error on B’s page. But then tried again and it worked. So Simon is not (in this instance) insane.
I’ve been thinking on and off today about these catagories. Friends made during our youthful madness, friends made during our “responsible” phase, and friends made through the strange connections of the digital age. I’m certainly more open with my bloggy-friends than with someone I met during my adult life. But, it’s an odd relationship since we’re all sort of peeking through keyholes at each other. We get to choose exactly what details we throw in front of our own keyhole. We get to look at our words before we spit them out into the conversation. It creates a rather interesting relationship.
I remember once in college I had a very breif period in which I discovered Interent chatting. I “met” a girl and had great long conversations, staying up into the wee hours of the morning. One day she was traveling through Missouri so she swung by my college and he had lunch. It was stilted and awkward. These two people who had been totally free with each other online staring at each other, unsure how to make the transition into real conversation.
I mean, if the Williams clan and the Grens met up down in Eureka Springs, would we hit it off fabulously, gabbing fluidly and openly over dinner at the Horizon. Or would we stare across the table and wonder what made this person seem so interesting when viewed through a keyhole?
Hmmm, can’t quite recall where I was going with this. I’m sure I had something that was very relevant…Ah well…I’ll just hit submit and see what comes back.
Moksha, I am totally going to moon your keyhole the very next opportunity I get.
I think the Grens and the Williamses would for sure end up doing the awkward and stilted thing. It’s a known fact that vegetarians and ninja dinosaur-slayers are incompatible table mates. The unfair advantage I have is that the insane get along famously with everyone. Except the Dutch. Ooooo, how I HATE them!!
Moksha - Very good point. As with all good points, I’ve thought of it already. ;-)
But seriously, I see where you’re coming from. I can’t think of much I haven’t revealed out here, except that smells. They don’t travel through the Internet. I usually don’t release those on anybody besides immediate family, so you’d still be safe there.
Once, a silly thing was batted down fairly quickly by Simon, and I removed it. On another occasion, I removed a picture that I realized upon waking went a little too far. So, yes, I’ve censored myself a bit.
Just for the record, we’ve always got along wonderfully with our vegetarian friends. Except this one couple who tried to free our dog. We explained we would never eat her, but they didn’t buy it. They don’t come around anymore.
Simon - See above.
I had a comment on the post and every comment between there and here and now they’re irrelevant. I hate when that happens. I hate coming here this late. I wish I had a job at a computer. *pouts*
I was planning to fly around this summer and drop in on you all but now I see that you’re all too cynical. ;-Þ
Si - I suppose I should be offended by the animal cruety of ninja dinosuar-slayers…but some things are just so bad-ass that moral conciderations just have be set aside. As luck would have it, ninja dinosuar-slayers is just such a thing.
I’ll have a “Moksha was here” brand heated and ready to stab through the keyhole at the first sight of a pasty Canadian backside.
Mark - What kind of nut tries to free a loved pet? Even if you have a problem with the idea of keeping pets, just letting them loose is about as cruel as you can get.
I had a few more things to say…but they were so insightful I figured it was a safe bet you had already thought of them.
Linda - Maybe you should have someone check the blogs regularly and call you during your break. That way they could post comments for you and relay the responses to you.
I have not seen B in a long time. I remember B all those years ago in that college campus ministry organization that many of us were involved.
I am glad that he had a chance to stop by.
Hey, I heard that B had a really good time. From my latest talks with B, he is trying to update his blog. Hey, those are great pics. B looks like he’s gained some weight. I certainly agree that B can be an emotional trainwreck. Just stay clear of the tracks! Hope to see you soon. B