Jan 18 2007
I Wasn’t Paid to Write This
Not long ago, an online friend mentioned that if he ever wanted to move to the United States, the scarcity of a certain food item would keep him from going through with it.
A lover of snack foods, I was determined to find out more. I found a website and discovered that Nestle recently made the product available in the U.S.A. Calls to regional grocers that reportedly carried it produced nothing more than comments like, “Never heard of it,” and “I’ll check our warehouse, but I don’t believe we have that one.”
I stopped by a few 7-Eleven convenience stores, rumored to be a source. I got similar answers from the clerks, but I happened to catch a manager at each. All apologized that they didn’t have it, and said to keep checking.
Wednesday night after work, I stopped at a local supermarket that carries many items not found at a typical chain. It’s located only 10 minutes from our house. On a whim, I headed straight for the candy aisle.
1.76 oz. of chocolate-coated bliss
There, like a bright and shining beacon, was the telltale yellow packaging with red letters, familiar to me after my research. I grabbed two and continued collecting items on my list. As I walked by the seafood section, the lobster tank waters parted.
That proved that my find truly was a miracle.
Back at the house, after we got Ben to bed and retreated to our bedroom to watch a little TV, I stumbled through the dark house and eagerly fished the Canadian candy bar from the pantry. Of course, I posed for a few corny pictures.
Coffee Crisp was a sweet reward (with 26 grams of sugar, it damn well better be). At about twice the price of the typical Kit-Kat or Butterfinger Crisp, two good wafer-based candy bars that now quake when they hear there’s a new kid in town, this new favorite is worth it. Naturally, I’ll try to find it cheaper somewhere. Anyone interested should note it contains real coffee, and then go to the website. Snack critique site taquitos.net features a brief but positive review.
Disclaimer: No lobsters were harmed during the purchase of this candy bar.
Mark, you crack me up. It’s hard to believe that the same man who snapped a picture of my son worthy of the cover of National Geographic is the same who’s capable of these two beauties. Also, I’m disappointed there’s no audio of the satisfying moans that surely took place after the first bite. I fully expect there to be a bowl of these on the kitchen counter the next time we come over.
I was mildly amused, but then when I read the lobster bit I burst out in uncontrollable laughter. By now I don’t think I’m doing any damage to my reputation at work.
And, as utterly ridiculous at this inadvertent ancillary street of confectionary distraction seems to have gotten, it appears as if I’ll have to show you the one and ONLY proper way to eat a Coffee Crisp. Lord help me, but I’ll probably end up having to post a video to make sure all y’all get it right.
That second smiley picture is just over the top. (I want one now.)
Josh - Yeah, it’s funny how when you know somebody, you can’t believe they actually accomplish anything noteworthy. It’s the pedestal effect. As in, meet and get to know just about anybody, and they won’t remain on it very long. Not saying that picture is worthy of a pedestal, but just that I love that phenomenon (do-dooo, do do-do).
Simon - I was hoping the last pic would be over the top. It’s what I do.
I look forward to the tutorial. Shannon ate hers with a glass of milk, while I opted for water.
Could I style my hair in a way that makes my head any less attractive? Good Lord.
That’s my hubby, the dorky dork - gotta love him! I have to admit, it was a pretty good candy bar.
Josh, y’all are gonna have to get your own, ’cause these suckers are way too expensive to buy for company!
Simon, please guide us - we were Coffee Crisp virgins, so we didn’t know the error of our ways.
Honey, I’m not sure what all that do-do stuff is all about - are you sleep deprived again? I like your hair.
BTW, all of the photos above are by ME!
Curse my procrastination! I discovered that a local supermarket here in St Louis also sells Coffee Crisp. I had a very similar post all ready in my head, complete with photos and cheezy smiles. That’s just downright scary. However, I’m rather glad you beat me to it…my telling would have included no water parting.
Also…very thoughtful of you to take all your pictures in front of a blue screen. Should allow for countless fun photoshop edits.
Shannon - My guess on the do-do was a referrence to Menomena. If not that…I have no idea.
Wife - I thought you’d be the one to get the rhyming reference.
Moksha - But as it turns out, you got it! Every time I hear, speak, or type the word “phenomenon” or any form of it, I think of that Muppets classic. Thanks for the video link! I’ve tried twice now to make links show up better in comments, but this stylesheet has me beat (for now).
Didn’t mean to steal your thunder. I thought of possible photo-chops, too, and it could get lewd pretty fast.
I guess they must be pretty expensive from being imported into the US on Canadian polar bear wagon trains and kept fresh by being packed in irreplaceable arctic ice. (They all cost the same as ‘other’ candy bars up here.)
Every time I think of that ‘menomena’ tune, I can’t help but be carried back to university when this ‘performer’ did this unreal thing up on stage at this ‘bar’ I was at with some friends. Sheer hilarity… until my dad clapped me on the shoulder and inquired after my studies, given that final exams were pending.
Good times.
Yeah, I’ll have to do that video.
I almost didn’t catch the reference. At first I thought it was the do-doo-do-do-doooooo from Close Encounters. THen I thought maybe it was some song from the Travolta movie Phenomenon that I was never going to be able to come up with. Then I read the sentence to myself totally ignoring your do-dos and it hit me. Apparently the word makes me think of that skit too…if I take the time to pronouce it to myself.
Si - So you’re saying the proper way to eat these damned things is on a polar bear wagon packed in ice? That’s farily specific and rather difficult to muster down here. I suppose I could schedule a trip to the zoo, they’ve got polar bears there. All I can say is this had better be worth it…
Hmmm. I wonder if we have that bar here in Arkansas. Probably not.
I have heard that in Britian, they have a candy bar over there that resembles the old Marathon bar, the bar with the twisty caramel covered in chocolate. M&M Mars made it and quit selling it here in the States years ago.
Mark when I visited y’all this past summer, I noticed a local Kroger store by the mall on Loop 121 had Marie’s Dressings that I have not seen at our Krogers up here in Arkansas in a long time. I also enjoyed bottle after bottle of the Pibb drink–we do not have that in central Arkansas.
When I visited the Durham, North Carolina area, I was able to get a box of Nabsico Swiss Cheese Crackers at a local store. They do not sell them here in Arkansas nor even in the Dallas area–at least the Kroger that I visited on Loop 121.
If you look on a box of Nabisco Chick-in-A-Biscuit, Better Cheddars, Vegetable Thins, or Socialables, you will see the box of Swiss Cheese Crackers displayed as other available varieties.
Moksha, if you think the thought of eating these is difficult, just wait until you see the video!
Ok, I’m sure you were all just waiting for me to show up with some excuse why I didn’t get here earlier. I wasn’t plowing over landscaping or ogling the Moon or even organizing my studio. I was just busy, okay? (I had to look at Simon’s photos a few times. Oh, and I have a job that requires me to produce, not sit on my ass and read blogs all day…) I’m not bitter or anything. What I am, though, is hungry for a CoffeeCrisp Barra. I guess a trippa to the grocery storra is in order. I’m crossing my fingers that they’re in stokka.
Mark, you’re adorable. Quit fretting about your hair. And the picture of Josh’s son is breath-taking!
On an added note, I’m scared to death to see what you guys might do with Mark in PhotoShop… This isn’t a dare, so please don’t take it as such.
Si, I remember the story of running into your dad at the bar, I’m having trouble though, associating the do-do-do with what was going on there…
Simon - I can’t wait for that video (but obviously I will, with baited breath)
John - You might find them in Arkansas at one of those grocery stores where everything’s overpriced.
Linda - You won’t be disappointed. Unless you hate sweet coffee. Actually, it isn’t as sweet as I though it would be, and it’s very good that way.
Josh’s son has eyes almost like silver. They’re great in pictures with natural light.
Hi Shan :-) I need you to check out my grandson’s eyes in natural light… http://www.jujubeejenny.typepad.com/
It should be the picture on the video box, maybe second post down. He’s upside down looking up at the camera.
I love coffee flavored everything; icecream, yogurt, whatever.
(Sorry guys, we’ve got some girl stuff going on here. Later we’re going to make the obligatory trip to the ladies room together…)
Linda - Oops. Sorry. I didn’t change the name. Shannon had commented last and when I jumped in here after I got home it filled in The Wife by default. Damn cookies. It’s fixed now.
We’ll just have to buy another computer for the house, I guess.
*red face* I’m not going to the ladies room with you… You still need to see Julian’s eyes :-)
So, how good WAS it???
On a scale of 1 to 5, was it a 2? A 4?
Dear Mark,
I recently heard a discussion (once again, not an ad) on the radio that included a rave and tempting description of a candy bar named “Silver Crisp” — so in Googling it, I ran across your “Coffee Crisp” article. I’m sold. Now I’ll try to find its silver cousin. Have you tried it?
Ruth