Jul 26 2006
Idle Hands and an Addled Mind
You ever make up weird voices when you’re bored? I don’t mean talking to yourself. That’s a whole different thing. I just mean, for fun, you play out stories with different characters with various accents. Male, female. You just let it all go and become a one-person show?
No? I was afraid you were going to say that.
When I was a boy, our family’s TV received four channels — ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS. Later, we got Fox, but it was UHF and we never got it very clear. We didn’t have a VCR, so if you missed a program, you had to wait and catch it on reruns.
To beat boredom on rainy days, I tuned into radio. Whacky DJ’s made up adventure stories, mixing in song clips that worked as dialog. If someone was drowning, an onlooker might say, “Look, that man is reaching out his hand. What’s he saying?”
(to the tune of the Beatles classic) “Help! I need somebody, help, not just anybody. Help! You know I need someone. Help!”
“He wants help. Grab his hand.”
And so on. It was very corny, but my young mind loved the clever use of tunes I recognized.
These programs inspired me to make up characters and stories, and record them on cassettes. Some of my friends took an interest in recording things, too. There is an absolutely hilarious tape of my friends Chris and Jason talking alone on a bus trip, wherein Chris gives a synopsis of the movie Mother Lode, a bad flick starring Nick Mancuso, Kim Basinger, and Charlton Heston as twin brothers. Chris also pokes fun at me. I wish I had that tape.
More recently, while driving a Ryder moving van 900 miles across the southeastern U.S., I had a lot of time to kill. I picked up my trusty microcassette recorder and started making up characters, and then put them in a story. The story was pretty lame, but I thought the characters were worth keeping. When we stopped at a motel midway through the trip, I played the tape for my wife and her friend who had come along to keep her company (all I got was a dog). They had a hard time hearing it over the deafening background noise of the Ryder’s huge diesel engine, but they got a laugh.
Tonight, the wife and the kid are gone. I have a microphone and a computer, and time. “Nightmares & Dreamscapes” is recording on the DVR, so I decided to play a little.
I’ve never released these characters to the public.
And, evidently, I still haven’t. Simon, you were the lucky one. If anybody else is interested, just let me know.
Otherwise… sorry, folks, nothing more to see here. Go on aboutcher bidness.
You totally did the flippy, limp hand thing when you were doing the lady’s voice, didn’t you? It’s okay, I can just tell these things. (I would have stared at her breasts too.)
Your ‘dumb’ southerner totally reminded me of the rather infamous ‘bambulance’ sound file that’s been around the internet a while:
http://www.schedler.org/audio/bambulance.wav
(Oh, and, um, yeah… I sometimes do that too. I’m just smart enough not to record myself.)
Thanks for that link. I’ve never heard that one. Sounds like something “Crank Yankers” would do. That guy talks waaay too fast for my southerner to understand him.
Limp wrist? Nope. It’s not like anybody could see me.
Right?
I heard that clip back in 1992 or so when I was in Atlanta for Pharmaceutical training. It’s been around a LONG time. I don’t know if it was real or not, but he sounds pretty convincing.
Mark, I have no idea what you wrote about. It sounds like you created your own little cast for a play. I’m not sure if that is scary or not, but at a minimum…I find it odd. Is that polite enough? Three words…burn that cassette. You DO NOT want that to fall into my hands.
Chuck - That sounds like exactly what I did. I’m not sure why that’s any more strange than some of your freak-ass vocalizations in the shower (which I also once had recordings of, by the way!) One of my characters was based on the guy you found hilarious when I left you a voicemail a couple weeks ago (or, at least, said you did).
I bet you enjoy animated movies with over-the-top voice characterizations, and the character Billy Bob Thornton created for Sling Blade. They just happen to get a paycheck for it.
Your last sentence was one of the reasons I yanked it — I could just hear it echoing over the cubicle wall after a co-worker stumbled upon my blog.
All - I’m disappointed and relieved that nobody asked to hear the latest clip. Shannon listened and laughed her face off, then politely advised me that it might not be the best thing to put on the Internet. I posted it with much trepidation, so it was almost a relief to hear someone say, “It’s your blog,” when really she meant, “How ’bout let’s keep that one under wraps, mmmkay?” I’ll let Alvis hear it this weekend, and then probably let it die just like the first one did.
What? Shower singing? I’m not sure who you’re talking about. :-)
The voice you did on the message last week was hilarious.
I’m just funnin’ anyway, and you know I’d get a kick out of hearing it. I say post away. After all, we’re all weird right?
Wow, and I thought I was the ONLY one that liked Crank Yankers! *LOL*
My email for both work and home, when new mail comes in, says “I’ve got mail… yayyyyyyyyyy I’ve got mail yayyyyyyyyy” from Special Ed (my favorite cranker).
I also love Spoon Love, from Up Above… he’s hilarious!
Goodness I miss them… LOL
Dave - I never said I like “Crank Yankers.” Just that the bambulance bit reminded me of it. I’ve seen probably two episodes. I probably don’t watch out of time priorities more than anything else.
I’ve listened to this twice now, and I think you should try out for ‘America’s Got Talent.’ I don’t know if I should be shocked or amazed at how well you pull off a woman’s voice. :)