Regular Life

Back when film was all I knew, I bought a special back for my Nikon that allowed me to pre-set a focus point, and the shutter would fire exactly when something in the frame hit that spot. In this case, I was that thing. (No animals were harmed during the shooting of this photo.)

Did I really give a brief history of El Chico in my previous post? Wow. Brutal.

Got Bees On Ya?

Occasionally I post a few things that Ben said recently. I try not to descend into an episode of “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” but to the kidless, it still might seem a bit annoying. I have three words for those people.

Kiss my grits.

There, now I feel better.

Back when Ben was first finding his way around the English language, Shannon and I named his utterances as a group. It’s called Benglish. Although many words like “spacebat” (placemat) and “siya huck” (fire truck) have become obsolete, the boy still spouts funny phrases now and then, so I lump those in there, too. Just as the study of any language should include historical context, I have decided that anything about Ben can be included in the Benglish lexicon.

*****
One day, after making an animal noise, Ben reassured one of his toy train engines, “Toby, don’t be sad. I just quacking yike a duck.”
*****
My brother and his wife sent Ben a “just because” gift in the fall of 2005. When Ben pulled from the box a large, toy stuffed dog, I said, “It’s a new dog, Ben.”

He immediately took to it, rolling around on the ground with it, and collapsing his legs to fall on its bean-bag belly.

“You like your new dog, don’t you Ben?”

“Yes!” he said.

To this day, whenever he wants it or talks to it, he calls it “new dog.”
*****
We taught Ben early on that being gaseous requires at least a modicum of tact.

“Say excuse me when you toot,” we told him.

Now, each time he flatulates, he says, “Scooze me, a toot.”
*****
Still working on the “L” sound, Ben had a bit of trouble with the word “lasagne.” His mommy and I devoured that tasty dish while he had Chef Boyardee Mini Ravioli.

“Ben, can you say, ‘lasagne?’” his mommy asked.

“Beezonya,” he said.

“Ben, watch my mouth,” I said. “La, la, la, lasagne.” I’m quite the amateur speech pathologist, you know.

“Ya, Ya, Ya, beezonya,” Ben said.

We tried to hide our chuckles.

I showed him again.

He repeated back, “La, ya, ya, beezonya!”

Hey, at least he threw an actual “L” in there.
*****
One day while Ben watched Sesame Street, Shannon and I talked in the kitchen. I heard Ben say, “No, I don’t yike dat one. I don’t yike dat one!”

Shannon and I looked at the screen to see what caused such a vehement declaration.

It was a male ballet dancer.

“Oh, he always gets upset when that guy comes on,” Shannon said.

“That’s my boy!” I said as I hit the Skip Forward button on the DVR remote control.

While I believe that many forms of dance, including ballet, can be quite beautiful when performed by someone skilled in the art, I have yet to look at a male and think how lovely and graceful he is. Except maybe a male bird. Does that make me enlightened?
*****
Tuesday night at the dinner table, my wife again tried to get Ben to say “lasagne.” The main course was fish sticks, but lessons never rest.

She had learned from me not to precede it with a bunch of “la” sounds. “Say, ‘laaaasagne’,” she said.

“Laaaa beezonya.” Ben replied.
*****
I was quite concerned that Ben had never attempted to sing. Recently, after I read him his stories and put him in bed, he requested that I sing him a lullaby. I was very uncleaer on the lyrics, but I nailed the melody. Still, it wasn’t good enough. He asked for his mommy to sing him a lullaby.

Shannon sang him the following, to the tune of Mozart’s famous lullaby:
“Lullaby, and goodnight. Go to sleep, little Benjamin…” et cetera (but please, not Peter Cetera).

After she shut the door, we both heard him sing, “Yuyaby, and goodnight. Go to sweep, yitto Mommy.”

In the video clip below, Ben tells it straight and then does an impression of… anybody’s guess.

NOTE: Pretty sure you’ll need Quicktime to view this. I had a different way of doing it, but lots of companies’ web filters block video sharing sites.

Click Here to View the QuickTime Movie

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