Regular Life

There is no way a muffin should taste like this.

Thursday morning, I didn’t have any cereal ready for my Silk, so I grabbed a little cash from my nightstand cache (gotta love the hodgepodge that is the English language). If I left right then, I would have plenty of time to stop at the donut shop very close to work. All of you commuters know what I mean. You end up with extra time on the other end, or you end up late.

As houses continue sprouting like weeds amongst the cornfields between our house and my work, the morning commute gets more and more like those nightmares where you see where you need to go, but you just can’t move your feet.

I’ve mentioned another donut shop in a previous post. A couple weeks after that misadventure, I tried another. It also was run by two nice Asian women, but they had a stronger command over the crazy English language. When I asked, they quickly informed me they had no white cream, only custard filling — just like the place just down the road from us. My wife again was out of luck.

That Thursday morning, I figured the third time would be the charm. Behind the counter was an Asian woman, noticeably older than the ladies at the prior donut shops. The glass case featured small signs with handwritten English clearly labeling each donut. This was promising on the communication front, so I did not hesitate to wade into the inevitable quagmire.

I had to ask. It was becoming a tradition.

“Do you have the white cream filling for your donuts?”

“No, only custard,” she replied.

Ho-hum and sigh. At least she understood me right away. That helps when you’re in a bit of a rush to get to work.

Muffins were my quarry that day so, quizzes complete, I saw from the nifty little signs that there were three types — Oat Bran, Cranberry, and Morning Glory. When I asked what was in the Morning Glory, the lady threw a few bricks onto the language barrier.

I won’t even try to spell what she said. I just went ahead and told her I wanted an oat bran muffin, and had her heat it for me. I asked again about the other muffin, and after I repeated back, “Oh, carrots,” and she nodded, I had a better idea what was in it. Being a lover of carrot cake, I took a gamble and had her throw in a Morning Glory for good measure.

Don’t ever do that.

Despite the large number of raisins and other unidentifiable fruity masses, I got through the oat bran muffin without incident. It seemed, on the whole, like eating a muffin made from Raisin Bran, with some nuts thrown in the mix.

Next came Morning Gory. I mean, Glory. After the first bite, I saw shredded bits of carrot hanging from the dark-brown muffin, with a large nut chunk or two hanging on to say hello. Dag nabbit. Why does everything have nuts in it? About half way through the thing, I identified the mystery flavor.

It was ginger. And lots of it, probably fresh ground, without much accompanying sugar. A muffin that tasted like Chinese food was not my idea of a good start to the day. The taste of ginger lingered (again, thank you, English language) for the rest of the day, and I had no toothbrush at work to knock it out. Only the garlic-laden (and delicious) chicken cacciatore at my in-laws’ place was able to tame it. I won’t try to describe the veritable smorgasbord of flavors that hit me as I brushed my teeth that night. Yuck.

With all this talk of language problems, let me clarify. I admit that I use the term “Asian” because I cannot tell whether someone is Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Laosian, Vietnamese, etc. If someone can give me a way to tell, I welcome that. Call it a symptom of my upbringing and my environment, but don’t call me racist. Also, I understand that if I were to go to an Asian country, I would have just as much difficulty mastering the native tongue. Even though I may make jokes, I’m not making fun of or lashing out against anybody who comes to the US and has trouble mastering English. It’s very tricky, as evidenced by a few sentences in this post. The only time I have a problem is when someone has been here for many years and obviously has not even tried to learn (especially if they have customer contact). If I’m wrongheaded on that, then please tell me why.

Oh, and enlighten on why nobody in the north Dallas area but Krispy Kreme knows that white cream is the best filling for a donut. Consarnit.

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